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Growth Journey Missionary Life

Resting in Home

November 15, 2017

As I write this post, I sit in the middle of a food court surrounded by people who look slightly different than I do all speaking a language that is not my native tongue. But today I don’t feel like a fish out of water but rather someone who is at home.

Most days I am the only pale face in the group. Sometimes I get lots of stares especially in places I’ve never been. It can be a little unnerving. But it can also be hilarious.

Sunday night, as we sat around a table eating fish for our Christmas dinner with the artisans, I realized how at home I felt.

Do you know how beautiful of a feeling that is?

It may be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world—belonging. Knowing right here in this moment right where you are is where you belong. I’ve struggled so long with that. I’m sure I’ll struggle with it again in the future but today I’m resting in this peace of coming home.

Resting in the peace that home looks different for us all. Resting in the fact that for some of us, our moment is in the car pool line. Others in the office. Others in Honduras. But God uses each of our moments. Nothing is lost on Him.

Because there’s a mom in that car pool line that needs to know Jesus and you are the person to share Him, not the person in Honduras. There’s a client on the phone who needs prayer and you are the person to pray, not the mom. There’s a brother who needs a ride to the hospital over mountainous roads and you are the person to give that ride, not the person in the office. Our moments are beautiful. They are each needed and perfect.

They are where we belong because ultimately if we are seeking Him in genuine, we are in the center of His will. We are home.

In a few short hours, we’ll board a plane to the USA where we’ll be for the holidays. It will be a good time. A sweet time with family. But already in my heart of hearts, I know I’ll be ready to come home by the end of it, maybe before.

Because this, Honduras, is home now.

The truth is I’m not sure I would have dreamt this life for myself but our Father knows so much better than we do.

His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, His ways are higher than our own.

Some days we curl up in a ball crying for home but sometimes when morning comes we realize, we’re already there.

We’re already home.

Growth Journey Life

I ain’t no pioneer woman.

May 5, 2017

Growing up every Saturday night at 8 pm, you could find me seated in front television watching my favorite show—Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Oh it was my favorite! I remember one Saturday the electricity had gone out due to a storm and I pleaded and prayed to God that Grady EMC would be successful in correcting the problem in time for Dr. Quinn. 

She was my hero. I already had a fascination with the “olden days” and had always said I wanted to live “back then.” Dr. Quinn just fueled that desire.

When I started going to Honduras, I felt like I had found my frontier world I had always longed for. Sometimes it meant washing clothes by hand or fixing a barbed wire fence or collecting eggs from the chickens and I loved it! 

But you know, our fantasies and dreams are usually seen through rose-colored glasses. After a while, washing clothes by hand isn’t as exciting as we thought was. It’s just hard work. 

As my dream world has become my own, I have realized once again our dreams don’t always go exactly like we think they should…

All the years I asked God why He didn’t have me live in the “olden days,” I wasn’t seeing all the hardships those pioneer women faced. 

Heck, just saying good-bye to my mama until the end of the year and I about can’t stand it. Imagine these pioneer women saying good-bye to their mamas knowing they would most likely never see them again. I don’t think I could have done it. I can tell you this:

I ain’t no pioneer woman!

But isn’t that like anything we put on a peddlestool in our mind’s eye. 

“Oh, if I could just do this, I would be happy.”

“If I just lived in a different place, I’d be content.”

“When [you fill in the blank] finally happens, life will be good.”

Oh, how foolish we are. 

If we are not finding contentment right where God has us planted for that season, we won’t find in the next either. Because the next season we anticipated so will hold its own struggles and disillusionments. 

Paul said “I have found the secret to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

My frontier world I for so long anticipated being my own is not glamorous. It’s life. It’s hard work. Over the last few months, I’ve learned the truth of this Dr. Quinn quote:

“I came to the Colorado territory to be a pioneer doctor but was quickly becoming just a pioneer.”

I know, I know—you’re sick of the Dr. Quinn analogies but I could totally relate to this quote just as most of us probably can.

“I came to the Honduras frontier to be a pioneer missionary but was quickly becoming just a pioneer.”

Maybe yours goes something like this…

“I came to be a Godly wife but quickly was becoming just a wife (and not a good one at that.)”

Okay, that one was mine too!

Every new season brings with it a time of disillusionment and even disappointment as we realize it didn’t match what we always dreamt it would. It is in those times when the disillusionment begins to fall away, that then more than ever we need to know our foundation is in Jesus. Our identity in Christ alone. Because it is through Christ’s strength we find contentment in every season.

I have realized I ain’t no pioneer woman but I am woman who wants to forge ahead in knowing Christ more deeply and intimately. I do want to blaze the trails that lead me back to the truths in His Word. 

Sometimes realizing what we are not reveals to us who we are—our true identity. An identity rooted in Him and who He says we are. Sometimes realizing what do not need reveals to us the foundation we need. A foundation firm in Christ. Sometimes realizing the disillusionments of our dreams allows to us to see the very One who will never disappoint but instead draw us near and show us the way in which He would have us walk. 

And that is in Him.