December always seemed to be the month that I remembered how single I was. I hoped against hope that maybe I would get my Christmas miracle and God would send the man into my life who would be there to stay. But year after blasted year, he never showed and I was stuck watching the most ridiculous Christmas Hallmark movies one more year while shoving more than one chocolate-covered cherry in my mouth.
And then last year, the season was different. I can’t really explain it. It was just that all of a sudden I felt okay, even willing to enjoy my singleness during the Christmas season. (Enjoying my singleness during the rest of the year wasn’t nearly as hard as Christmas.)
On 12/6/15, I wrote in my journal:
Oh how things are changing. I can’t even see all the changes but I can feel them–I sense a shifting beneath my very feet and it is scary yet even more exciting.
For so long I’ve felt out of place–without a home, unsure where I fit. And I think there’s a reason that I haven’t felt settled here. Sure it’s gotten better but I think there’s something more coming.
Back in the summer when I was in Honduras, I felt like “he”–my husband–was coming very soon and then when I got back after awhile that hope/belief faded because nothing happened…
As I was thinking about the “set time” for my husband to come into my life, I felt overcome by this thought that maybe the reason I haven’t met him yet is because he’s not here in Cairo (where I live) because this isn’t where I’m going to be long-term either. I don’t know–maybe it’s all speculation. Maybe I’m feeling hopeful because it’s Christmas but maybe it’s something more–a lot more. Praying, Lord, You continue to order my steps and show me Your way.
|Ignore the raccoon eyes, please.
A few short weeks after I wrote this journal entry, I began to sense the Lord putting in my heart the word, HOME. I knew it was a promise of more than a place, that it was a promise of the husband I had prayed for but I was scared to hope. I had been disappointed by hope too many times. So I did what any other Christian woman would do. I spiritualized the word and convinced myself that the only thing that God meant by giving me that word was that I was to find my home in Him. But in my heart, I knew. I knew there was more to that word.
My talented friend, Anna Edwards with her fabulous company, Dustmade
, offered a New Year’s special to have necklaces made with your “word” for the year. I had her hand-stamp my word “HOME.” and it has hung around my neck many days this year as a reminder of the promise God had given in that word.
I remember driving to my parent’s home (my current residence) late one night and having a sobfest as I drove telling God how He wasn’t answering my prayers. I instinctively put my hand to my neck. I had forgotten I had even put the necklace on that day but as I held the necklace plate and rubbed my fingers over the stamped letters, I calmed and as clear as clear could be, I heard the Lord say “I am answering your prayers.”
I had no idea what was about to transpire in the months ahead. I had no idea how God was moving puzzle pieces together. I had no idea how much promise this year truly did hold. I had no idea that God was preparing my heart to answer my prayer in a way I never expected. He was planning to answer it with more…more than I could have EVER imagined.
(I know, I know, you’re thinking, but where’s the rest of the story? It’s coming…stay tuned! ;))