Even though I’m now married, I find myself still clicking on the blog posts about “preparing for a husband” or “advice for single ladies”. You know the ones I mean. Now I click for a different reason. I click to see how accurate the information is that they are providing. I spent 30 years of my life clicking on those post trying to make sure I was doing everything just so to prepare for marriage, or to make it happen quicker, or to be ready. And I’ve come to one conclusion.
You’ll never be ready.
You could read 1200 of those articles/posts every day and you’ll still not be ready.
But I suppose if over the last 3 months of marriage (because you know three months makes you an expert lol!), if I had one piece of advice to give to single ladies hoping to be married one day, it would be this: your husband will not be Jesus.
I thought I had a pretty realistic expectation of marriage and of my husband but I had read one too many articles and one too many books that had put the role of husband next to God.
You know, he’ll lead you. He’ll give you grace when you fail. He’ll show mercy when you scream at him. He’ll always compliment your cooking. He’ll take notice when you clean the house. He’ll never say anything hurtful to you. He’ll always say you’re beautiful when you wake up with sleep in your eyes and smelly breath. He’ll lead you in study of the Word and always pray every night with you.
He will be Jesus to you.
Now please hear me loud and clear, husbands do have a huge responsibility to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). But learning to do that does not happen overnight. It’s a process and a process in which your husband will fail at times. Your husband will not be perfect. Your husband will NOT be Jesus.
Your husband will need grace. And respect. And love.
Just like us, ladies, need those things.
Expecting your husband/future husband to woo you like Jesus is an unfair expectation and ultimately will only lead to disappointment. The only person who can show you an infallible, perfect love that truly fulfills is Jesus, not your husband.
If our hope is not firmly grounded on Him, we’ll be sorely disappointed when we realize that our husbands, well…are not Jesus. Our husbands can show us Jesus but they’ll never be Jesus.
I feel like in the church today we give these unfair expectations to women preparing for marriage. We read those verses of how husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church but we forget to mention that husbands are human and even though this is their call, they will fail. Yes, they’ll get back up and try again but they will fail. It is our job to love them regardless.
So today, ladies, I’m telling you what you may or may not hear in church: your husband will fail you. He will not always love you just like you thought he would. He will get grumpy when he’s hungry. He will get mad. He will struggle to say I’m sorry when he’s wrong. He may not remember that you love fresh flowers.
But he may remember the M&M’s. He may spend hours fixing the car. He may tell you look beautiful when you feel like crap. He may go to pharmacy to get you medicine when he himself doesn’t feel well either. He may clean the back porch when you didn’t expect it. He may challenge and sharpen you in your faith. He may try really hard to show Jesus to you.
But he will never BE Jesus. So don’t expect him to be.
Pray for him. Love him. Give him to Jesus. But do not place on his shoulders a weight that no man, no matter how wonderful, can carry. Remember your worth is found in Jesus, the only one who will not fail you. And on the days, when you’re disappointed in your husband’s inability to meet all your fairy tale ideas that you might have been taught in church or in one of those sweet little Christian blogs, grab your husband’s hand and love him. It’s a process and you’ll learn together.